I found a video for the original Polly-O String Cheese commercial. This commercial reminds me of younger days: “Gimme a cheese with nut’n'!”
The story goes like this: Three kids go into a pizzeria. Everything associated with the pizzeria is either red or white. On the wall are signs: “No Screaming!” “Be Patient, Meatball!” and “Week-old pizza half price.” The kids are ten years old. One kid is blond, he’s the leader. You can tell because of his blond hair and leather jacket, and how he stands in front of everyone. Let’s call him Little Zack Morris. On his left, which is our right, is his main squeeze, with curly bleach blond hair and a pink sweater. Let’s call her Girly Stereotype. On his right is the nerdy looking kid: black hair, glasses, and a horizontal striped shirt that looks like naval flag code for ‘Nerd’. He’s not exactly Screech, but then again, nobody is. We’ll call him Booger.
Little Zack Morris: Hey Fred, gimme a pizza with extra cheese.
Fred: You got it.
Little Zack Morris: And hold the tomato sauce.
Fred: Hold the tomato sauce?
Little Zack Morris: And hold the crust.
Fred: Hold the crust? (Makes a subtle exasperated face.) Hey Jimmy! Gimme a cheese with nut’n!
Jimmy: Nuthin??
So Fred serves them a box full of string cheese. Since this is the first time some people have seen string cheese, you can see how it might look like a box of platic-wrapped white cheese turds.
Fred: Is this whatchoo want?
Zack Morris: Bellisimo!
Girly Stereotype: Magnifique!
Booger: C’est si bon!
Hey, wait a minute! Were Girly Stereotype and Booger speaking French in a pizzeria? Now, if you were Fred wouldn’t you kick them out of your store for being so stupid? No, and here’s why: if you own a pizzeria and your name is Fred, you don’t really know much about pizza. In fact, if you own a pizzeria and your name is Fred, you probably serve Polly-O.
I’m so happy I finally got a blog.
Tags: commercialism, white turds
