Eww ewww EWWWWWWWW

I took up biking and gave it up all in a single day. I mean biking 15 miles to work one-way, what was I thinking? How do those middle aged guys do that without having to stop every 15 minutes at a bathroom along the road?

Everything was going so well until 20 minutes into my ride. It hit me. I had to go really bad. There wasn’t any place in sight along the local county highway, at least no where I wanted to stop. I’ve dealt with poison ivy; no way I’m going in the woods.

50 minutes into the ride I couldn’t take it anymore. 2.2 more miles of biking was going to be 2.2 more miles of pure agony.

So I stopped.

I stopped at John’s Backyard Tavern.

I asked for the key, not yet hopping back and forth between each foot.

I turned the key in the door.

And the sight, OH MY GOD! EWW EWW EWW!

2.2 miles nothing, I was going to make it back to the office. And when I did, damnit, someone had urinated in the bathroom again, but I didn’t care. I hauled my sweaty (and now tough) biker body into the bathroom and let all the agony out.

But really, this bathroom was so bad, I had to Google it on the internet. And sure enough, I found it, and now I share this atrociousness with you.

Eww Eww Eww

My Doppleganger has haters.

More about my doppleganger who likes to make helmets in his spare time: Does this guy have a job?

Another forum where I’ve been excerpted, this one from March ‘06 in which Clifton100 says “This nerd gives step by step instructions to build a helmet”

And you know what? I feel like I should stick up for my doppleganger because there’s this quote from a stupid dork who says:

“thats the stupidest galactus helmet I’ve ever seen”

This from a guy whose avatar is a pair of giggly elves.  What a loser!

A recent conundrum

The general topic of human excretions is really not something I like to discuss, even as a joke, but my love for solutions to interesting problems overrides my discomfort. Enough of this meta-blogging: I’ll get to the point.

There has been a recurring hygeiene problem in my office. I typically arrive at work in the morning between 8:35 and 8:55 AM. It’s true — I don’t arrive at 8:30 and I almost never arrive at 9AM unless there is a particular need to. I like the regularity and reliability. I would probably just arrive at 8:35 every morning, but the variety solely due to whether a certain cool, attractive babe works out at the gym that morning. I don’t know who she is, I just know she’s cute. Honestly I’m a little intimidated and won’t say hi. Now, if she’s there, I tend to linger at the gym for a few minutes longer. The distraction is my only exception to my otherwise rigid morning routine. On the days she’s at the gym, I’ll talk with her, and then rush to the office. When and where I shower depends on this too. If she is not there, I’ll use a little time to shower at the gym, and if she is, I’ll generally rush to the office, and shower there. It’s a good idea to point out here that the hygene issue is not my own.

On the days when I arrive at work around 8:55, there is always a puddle of urine scattered at one of the urinals. It’s disgusting, particularly because the bathroom is cleaned once a day, in the middle of the night. On the occasions where I’ve worked late, the toilets are typically cleaned around two AM. This is not a reliable piece of data; I don’t work at two AM all that often, but it’s clear when things get done varies — they don’t seem to respect reliable scheduling as much as me.

Speaking of unreliable schedules, there’s no way to predict when Amy comes to the gym. Some weeks she’ll be there every day, some weeks only once. I could never live with that lifestyle.

So the question is: why is someone peeing on the bathroom floor only when I’m not there to see it?