Polly-Woah

I found a video for the original Polly-O String Cheese commercial. This commercial reminds me of younger days: “Gimme a cheese with nut’n'!”

The story goes like this: Three kids go into a pizzeria. Everything associated with the pizzeria is either red or white. On the wall are signs: “No Screaming!” “Be Patient, Meatball!” and “Week-old pizza half price.” The kids are ten years old. One kid is blond, he’s the leader. You can tell because of his blond hair and leather jacket, and how he stands in front of everyone. Let’s call him Little Zack Morris. On his left, which is our right, is his main squeeze, with curly bleach blond hair and a pink sweater. Let’s call her Girly Stereotype. On his right is the nerdy looking kid: black hair, glasses, and a horizontal striped shirt that looks like naval flag code for ‘Nerd’. He’s not exactly Screech, but then again, nobody is. We’ll call him Booger.

Little Zack Morris: Hey Fred, gimme a pizza with extra cheese.

Fred: You got it.

Little Zack Morris: And hold the tomato sauce.

Fred: Hold the tomato sauce?

Little Zack Morris: And hold the crust.

Fred: Hold the crust? (Makes a subtle exasperated face.) Hey Jimmy! Gimme a cheese with nut’n!

Jimmy: Nuthin??

So Fred serves them a box full of string cheese. Since this is the first time some people have seen string cheese, you can see how it might look like a box of platic-wrapped white cheese turds.

Fred: Is this whatchoo want?

Zack Morris: Bellisimo!

Girly Stereotype: Magnifique!

Booger: C’est si bon!

Hey, wait a minute! Were Girly Stereotype and Booger speaking French in a pizzeria? Now, if you were Fred wouldn’t you kick them out of your store for being so stupid? No, and here’s why: if you own a pizzeria and your name is Fred, you don’t really know much about pizza. In fact, if you own a pizzeria and your name is Fred, you probably serve Polly-O.

I’m so happy I finally got a blog.

What the… pig or fig?

Turns out some weirdo has pretended to be me at the following underused domain:

http://www.pigorfig.com

I mean, the guy sounds kind of cool… but he’s pretending to be me. I feel both honored and… well truthfully just honored. It’s cool to be impersonated, even if the guy could learn some principles about web design. His site is so 1996.

Do any of you know who these people are? Do you even understand what he means by ‘pig or fig’? Is this a symbol for choosing between the life as a carnivore or life as a herbivore? This is unlikely because twigs more correctly represent plants than figs, and I don’t see anything at http://pigortwig.com. My other guess is that since he talks about Alice on his web page, it’s a line from the song “Alice’s Restaurant.” “You can have pig or fig and the waitress wears a wig” or somesuch. I never listened to that music, I’ll have to go find it. I think it was done once on The Muppet Show, I’ll check my LP collection.

Update: Normally I only browse suspicious websites with lynx, a text-only browser, so I didn’t see the cartoon, natch. Now it’s clear: ‘pig or fig’ is about minority struggle for cultural identity against wealthy landowners. Do you see in this case that the minority is the fig? The pig is just the transportation mode for the fig because figs don’t have working legs. Sometimes the landowners eat the pig instead of the fig, and the fig lies unmoving, which is where fig trees come from. Again, the landowners win, those dumb fat figeaters.

Update 2: No mention of Alice’s Restaurant in my collection of Muppet Show LPs.

Restoring My Integrity.

Integrity is important to me. My integrity, other peoples’ integrities, you name it. One thing I learned is this: integrity is the basis of relationship, and when your integrity is out, there’s no relationship. The discussion of integrity is more important on the Internet, where it can be so easily discarded for convenience. With this I realize that if I’m going to start a blog, my integrity is going to be of utmost importance. That’s why I think it’s critical that I come clean before our relationship goes on any further.

This is my fourth blog post. My first post introduced the blog and my second one pointed out my very recent discovery of an imposter blog. My friend Jeremy correctly caught that I started the blog, by calling it “The Real Mark Jackman’s Weblog” and only later did I make a second comment: “Hey! There’s this fake me!”

I wouldn’t normally make a big deal about it but Jeremy called me out, and so I must confess: I didn’t start this blog to keep friends in touch, but to combat the fraud perpetuated by this fake Mark Jackman. Interesting Cloud? Indeed! I intentionally wrote my blog posts in that specific order because I wanted to shroud my real intent – to combat a blatant lie, one where we’re all victims of someone else’s lack of character. And yet, my own lack of character defied my true intentions, and Jeremy, a good and loyal friend, caught me in my lie.

Some of you might think this is not such a big deal, but it is. If I don’t come clean about my real intentions, I’m just as much a phoney as “The Fake Mark Jackman”. The last thing the world needs is another blog with pick-and-choose honesty. The last thing the world needs is another fraudulent genius.

I promise that I will never lie to you again.

“Design Your Own Candy” machine

Note: I’m about to swear, but if you know me, this is warranted:

This is fucking unbelievable. This device builds three-dimensional structures out of pure sugar.

http://www.evilmadscientist.com/article.php/candyfab

I really need one of these fuckers so I can make wedding presents out of them. No kidding.

If I could make one build Klein Bottles I’d become a fucking zillionaire. Make them in all sorts of colors and flavors. And then I’d dedicate a branch of my empire to churn out Klein Bottles made from breakfast cereal, and then I’d eat non-stop Klein Bottles made from Cocoa Pebbles until I became the first rich crazy motherfucker to die from a 4-D choco-sugar overdose.

What the?

Okay, so I did a bit of ego surfing. I mean, who doesn’t Google themselves nowadays. But I found this blog… and this person thinks they are me? This doesn’t seem fair. I am the real Mark. This is like the The Real Ghostbusters had with that knock off, sorry piece of you-know-what Ghostbusters cartoon.

Is this fair?

Can’t I do something about this other blog?

Help me?

Hi all!

Hi everyone. I decided to start this blog so I could stay in touch with my friends and family. I hope you all enjoy it. I really enjoy writing here, and wordpress seems like such a nice community.

Look forward to blogging to you all later,

- Mark